Breakfast with a Brady Boy

Fridays are great days.

Daddy is off work, and the entire family has fun together all day long.

Each Friday morning, a different boy goes to the restaurant of his choice with Daddy. A couple of weeks ago, Jack wanted a sausage and biscuit with chocolate milk from McDonald's. Last week, William wanted pancakes with all 5 syrups. (Notice that you must have the bowls of syrup surrounding your plate so you can dip systematically, efficiently and effectively into Maple, Pecan, Boysenberry, Strawberry, and Blueberry Syrup. Sometimes, you need to dip your pancakes into all of them at the same time--something William really likes to do.

This week, it's Isaac’s turn. He’s already said that he’d like to go to McDonald’s but there is time for him to change his mind. We all wonder where Benjamin will want to go eat breakfast with Daddy when he comes home.

Here are some lessons Daddy and William learned together at IHOP last week.

• Daddy likes to dip his toast in his runny eggs just like William likes to dip his pancakes in his syrup. (Don’t tell William, but it’s called "sopping!")

• Jenn is a great waitress and she even brought us BIG bowls for William to use for his syrup.

• Benjamin’s skin is not as black as the people we met at the table across the way. (According to William, it's "more brown.")

• Everyone is special and loved by God. (William said that God created all people in His image and for his glory and that God does not have a skin color because God is a Spirit and does not have a body like us.)

• The people at the other table were the Taylors. We are going to pray for them because their son just died.

• Lots of sugar in the morning makes for a wild 4-year-old the rest of the day!

Daddy can’t wait for this coming Friday morning with Isaac, and he can’t wait to have breakfast with Benjamin soon, too!

Fridays are great days.

A Heart for Adoption at Our Church

Some things cannot be explained—they can only be attributed to God.

God gave us a desire to adopt before Isaac was born. His birth was both a gift and a wrinkle in our adoption plans. Now however, we find ourselves well into our adoption process.

As God was working in our hearts over the last couple of years, little did we realize that he was also working in the same way in the hearts of several other families in our church. Some families walk through the adoption journey feeling quite alone, but God has put a bunch of people around us in Paducah, KY who are on the same path.

In fact, there are almost 20 adopted children at our church from the United States, China, Guatemala, Ukraine, El Salvador, and South Korea.

Currently, there are also nine families in our church who are somewhere in the process of adoption. How great it was to get together the other night, eat, share our stories, and pray together. The food was good. The conversation was great. The prayer was sweet—and the kids were all over the place! The more we talked and spent time together, the more obvious it was that we are all a part of a definite God thing.

God is bringing children into our church through parents who have a heart for the fatherless. The Parkhursts and Roarks are adopting from within the United States. The Pecks are headed to China. The Housmans and Durfees are on their way to Korea. The Heavrins are going to Russia. The Stiverses, Moores, and Bradys are adopting from Ethiopia.

Johnny and Laura Roberts are being used mightily by God. How thankful to God we are for them.

In Paducah, KY and throughout the country, God is waking the church up to the responsibility and privilege of James 1:27. Many are getting in on what God is doing...and we are having a blast.

What a great life!

Considering Adoption? Remember, it's Your Journey

Are you reading this because you're thinking that adoption might be for you? Perhaps you're considering adoption--something you have never thought about before. Maybe you're sitting there thinking, "A while back, I would have never even considered adoption." Now look at what is happening!

Here are some thoughts that might be helpful to you as you think about going down the road of adoption.

How do you confidently move forward through the process of adoption when so many questions and uncertainties continuously swirl about you? Not only are there your own questions like, “Are we going to be able to pay for this? How is this going to work? Will a new child fit in well with our family?” or “Are we out of our minds?” Others are also asking questions. Sometimes, well-meaning friends and family members ask questions which can sometimes be discouraging and unhelpful. Let’s just admit it. The occasional question flowing from a critical spirit of another person can often be like a cold, wet blanket thrown over expectant parents’ joyful enthusiasm about their soon-coming child.

Traditionally, people in the United States have adopted both domestically and internationally. In 2009, over 12,000 children were adopted from other countries. Adoption currently seems to be growing more popular among Christians as churches are waking up to the mandate to care for orphans (James 1:27). Several families in my church are in the process of adoption, and I know of many others elsewhere.

One of the most repeated questions about international adoption goes something like, “Why would anyone adopt from a foreign country when there are so many children who have needs right here in our own country?”

Indeed, there are truckloads of needs when it comes to the children of our own society. Over 3 million child abuse cases are reported every year in the United States. More than half a million children languish in our foster care system. However, understanding that 147 million orphans live on the planet, the following realities are great reminders as each of us seeks to walk the adoption journey God has laid out for us.

Different People Live Out Their Convictions Differently

The “calling” of God is like a snowflake—no two callings are the same. Each of us certainly has the responsibility to live our lives and do what we feel is best for us. However, all of us are different, and we all go about living our lives in different ways.

When we decided to adopt our son, we found ourselves with three children already and desiring to add to our family as quickly as possible. As what hair Todd did have was quickly turning gray, we each realized that neither of us was getting any younger! So with a desire to minister to a child by bringing him into our family and with a desire to go about doing this as quickly and as affordably as possible, we chose to adopt a male infant from the country of Ethiopia. This was the simplest, quickest, most affordable, and best route for us.

Should everyone adopt a male infant from Ethiopia? Of course not. For us, adopting from Ethiopia is the right thing for us at this time. Is domestic adoption a great way to care for orphans right here in our own country? Absolutely! Whatever you do, be faithful to God, live with conviction, and do what is best for you.

Doing Something is Better than Doing Nothing

Yes, there are millions of needs right around us. Yes, there is much that we can and should do to care for orphans and needy children in our own country. However, the question pitting international adoption against local needs may very well be a veiled disguise of a heart which simply longs to do nothing.

Todd's grandmother used to say, “It takes little size to criticize.” A century ago, Teddy Roosevelt famously said,

It is not the critic who counts: not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes up short again and again, because there is no effort without error or shortcoming, but who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, who spends himself for a worthy cause; who, at the best, knows, in the end, the triumph of high achievement, and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who knew neither victory nor defeat.

If you are called to do something, don’t allow others to prevent you from doing what you know you are supposed to do.

The Greatness of Needs Everywhere Should Not Prevent Us from Doing Something Somewhere

A boy was walking on the beach. Every so often, he would pick up a starfish and throw it back into the ocean—saving the starfish’s life by tossing it back into the water. Someone said to him, “There are starfish all over the beaches throughout the world. When you think about how many there are, don’t you realize that you’ll never make a significant difference?” The boy thought for a moment, looked at the starfish in his hand and said, “Well, I’m making a difference for this one!”

Truthfully, none of us will ever make a world-wide impact which garners the accolades of millions. However, such a thought should not immobilize us. There are plenty of needs to go around. Let each of us seek to be about meeting needs—alleviating pain and suffering wherever we can.

Ultimately, Each of us is Responsible to God

As I live my life, I must remember that I am to live my life. I do not have the responsibility to live another person’s life. There is only one head which I lay on my pillow each night—mine. And ultimately, I am responsible to God.

In the end, only God and what he thinks matters. In the end, we will all have to answer to him. In the end, the accounting will be with God. As in how I spend my money, how I use my tongue, how I treat my neighbor, how I treat my body, and more—how I go about caring for orphans is ultimately an issue to which I will answer to God. When it comes to adoption, whether it be “international” or “domestic”—each of us must follow what we feel God would have us do.

The Great Commandment and the Great Commission are Calls which are to be Universally and Indiscriminately Applied

Jesus said, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind,” and “love your neighbor as yourself” (Matthew 22:37-39). He also said, “Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age” (Matthew 28: 19-20). The Great Commandment and the Great Commission are the twin engines which propel the believer’s life. As we go about loving others and sharing the gospel with others, let us remember that we have a duty to love all and to make disciples of all. We are not to be picky with our love. We are not to be choosy about the recipients of our love.

Adoption is a wonderful journey. It’s a beautiful picture that reflects the love God has for us. As you walk down the path God has for you—whether it be “international” or “domestic”—remember that your adoption journey is God’s adoption journey for you.

May God bless you on your journey!

Good News From a Far Country!

We are officially the parents of four boys! We passed court today, and Benjamin legally became a part of our family. Because we passed, we are so glad to be able to post Benjamin's picture above.

Never before have we so powerfully felt the truth of Proverbs 25:25--Like cold water to a thirsty soul, so is good news from a far country.

The adoption agency told us that we can expect to travel to Ethiopia sometime within the next 12 weeks. How is that for specificity?

Tonight, we celebrated by going to a local Mexican restaurant. We told the folks there that we will soon be bringing four boys with us rather than just three! We can already picture all the extra rice on the floor after dinner with four little boys.

At night after bathtime each evening, we read our Bible story and go with Isaac into his bedroom. Before we put him into his crib, we all sing Jesus loves the little children,all the children of the world. Red and yellow, black and white. They are precious in his sight. Jesus loves the little children of the world. It's one of the best parts of the day.

Lately, Isaac has been saying "Bee Huh" right after we sing and before he gets in his crib. "Bee Huh" is 2-year-old speak for "Big Hug." We are loving the nightly Big Hug as mommy holds Isaac, Jack and William wrap their little arms around mommy, and daddy puts his arms around everyone. We all then say "BIG HUG!"

Not long from now, our Big Hug is going to be even bigger. Benjamin is going to be in it, and we can't wait.

The Covenant of Adoption

This is DiscipleNow weekend in Paducah—an entire weekend for students to spend focused, concentrated time seeking the Lord with other students. We are praying for God to show himself mightily in the lives of our students over these 36 or so hours.

As DiscipleNow began with opening worship, we were reminded of the differences between contracts and covenants.

When people enter contracts, they seek to minimize their responsibilities and maximize their rights. When people enter covenants, they live to maximize their responsibilities and minimize their rights.

Take a look at many aspects of society, and you’ll probably see more evidences of contracts than covenants. Friendships are too frequently contractual in nature. Marriages are often seen as contractual agreements where both the man and the woman unfortunately seek to advance their rights and to retreat from their responsibilities. How sad it is that so many parents seem to be shirking their responsibilities to love, care for, and raise their children—and are seemingly doing as little parenting as possible so that they might have more time to make the most of what they consider to be their rights.

We’ve filled out lots of paperwork over the last year, and we’ve signed our names more times than we care to remember. We travelled to Louisville, KY this past summer to get our fingerprints recorded. And while some might see this adoption as merely a contract, it’s more than that—it’s a covenant.

On May 8, 1999 when we said our wedding vows to one another in Nashville, TN, we entered into covenant. When Jack was born on November 15, 2003 and when William was born on January 8, 2006 and when Isaac was born on November 20, 2007, we realized again and again and again the responsibilities of our covenant relationships with our boys. We are learning every day that parenting is not about rights, but responsibilities.

Adoption is a covenant. We are vowing to Benjamin that we are going to bring him into our family and that we are going to parent him. In coming years, we will be driven by our responsibilities as parents—not our rights.

“Behold, the days are coming, declares the LORD, when I will make a new covenant with the house of Israel and the house of Judah, not like the covenant that I made with their fathers on the day when I took them by the hand to bring them out of the land of Egypt, my covenant that they broke, though I was their husband, declares the LORD. But this is the covenant that I will make with the house of Israel after those days, declares the LORD: I will put my law within them, and I will write it on their hearts. And I will be their God, and they shall be my people. And no longer shall each one teach his neighbor and each his brother, saying, ‘Know the LORD,’ for they shall all know me, from the least of them to the greatest declares the LORD. For I will forgive their iniquity, and I will remember their sin no more” Jeremiah 31:31-34.

God graciously made a covenant with us through Christ.

“And he took a cup, and when he had given thanks he gave it to them, saying, ‘Drink of it, all of you, for this is my blood of the covenant, which is poured out for many for the forgiveness of sins’” Matthew 26:27.

“For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, ‘Abba Father!’” Romans 8:15.

As we think about God’s covenant with us, we want our faithfulness to our children to be a reflection of God’s faithfulness to us.

Little Boys Having Lunch

It's a special treat when mommy says the boys can sit on the den floor and eat lunch while watching one of their videos on television. The risk of spillage is great, but with plastic place mats, Nalgene drink bottles, and ongoing encouragement to "make sure your crumbs fall on your plate," these moments allow mom uninterrupted time to get some other things done around the house.

Pretty soon, we will have four little boys eating lunch in the den! And if they spill their drinks on the carpet, no big deal. We're much more interested in the character of our boys than we are in the spotlessness of our carpet.

Good News for Friends and More Photos for Us

Congratulations to our friends Jody and Shannon Stivers who heard yesterday that they passed court! We are elated for them and look forward to their bringing AJ home soon.

We received more pictures of our Benjamin today by email from Audrey and Ty Ferrell who are currently in Ethiopia picking up their child. They were so gracious to snap some shots of Benjamin, and we wouldn't take a million dollars for the photos.

As soon as we pass court, bet your bottom dollar that we'll post a photo of Brady Boy #4!

Adoption and Reconciliation

All this is from God, who through Christ reconciled us to himself and gave us the ministry of reconciliation; that is, in Christ God was reconciling the world to himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and entrusting to us the message of reconciliation. 2 Corinthians 5:18-19

The Boy in Striped Pajamas is the terribly confronting story of two eight-year-old boys in Germany who become friends during World War II. Bruno is the son of the German commandant who oversees a Jewish work camp. Bruno explores life beyond his house and there finds Schmuel, his friend who wears striped pajamas and lives inside a barbed-wire camp. Innocence fades as Bruno’s friendship with Schmuel deepens. Meanwhile, the commandant’s family struggles as Bruno’s father tries to remain committed to nationalistic interests while simultaneously working to keep his family oblivious to the horrors of Nazi Germany.

You will need to see the movie for yourself. Suffice it to say, however that the story causes one to feel the obvious clashes that often exist between loyalty, truth, friendships, and family.

Indeed, the era of world history which produced the Holocaust vividly reveals the depravity of humanity. Reflecting on the Holocaust inevitably leaves one panting for hope.

While the Holocaust, and particularly The Boy in Striped Pajamas do not inspire hope, the Christian is simply unable to think about such tragedies without reminding himself of the redemption which is found in Jesus Christ. In the face of despair and hopelessness, Christ brings strength and hope. As Maltbie D. Babcock reminds us, “This is my Father’s world. O let me ne’er forget that though the wrong seems oft so strong, God is the ruler yet.”

God certainly is the ruler. There are many times every day when his rule may be questioned. However, regardless of circumstances, he is the ruler. And one day, all things are going to be made right.

One day, there will be no more pain. One day, there will be no more suffering. One day, there will be no more tragedy. One day, there will be no more orphans.

There will soon be four little boys in our house. And they won’t just be buddies—they’ll be brothers.

One day, we will have our family together. And while it will not be that Day of no more pain, suffering, tragedy, or orphans, it will be a foretaste of that Day when God makes all things right.

Not By Feeble Sense

God moves in a mysterious way
His wonders to perform;
He plants His footsteps in the sea,
And rides upon the storm.

Deep in unfathomable mines
Of never failing skill
He treasures up His bright designs
And works His sovereign will.

Ye fearful saints, fresh courage take;
The clouds ye so much dread
Are big with mercy and shall break
In blessings on your head.

Judge not the Lord by feeble sense,
But trust Him for His grace;
Behind a frowning providence
He hides a smiling face.

His purposes will ripen fast,
Unfolding every hour;
The bud may have a bitter taste,
But sweet will be the flower.

Blind unbelief is sure to err
And scan His work in vain;
God is His own interpreter,
And He will make it plain.

William Cowper
1731-1800

Faith to Wait

We didn’t pass court…again.

The first time we didn’t pass court, we were somewhat prepared. Our adoption agency had told us that many don’t pass the first time around. They also told us that many have several court dates before they eventually pass.

Hearing that we didn’t pass this time was a tough pill to swallow. In a way, there has been a real sense of grief around our house tonight.

Again, an Ethiopian agency didn’t meet their deadline to turn a letter in to the court, and we are finding ourselves paying the consequences. We have to wait another two weeks—March 23—for our third court date. Another two week wait? Surely, the third time will be a charm.

To be honest, we are disappointed. We’re seeing more and more pictures of Benjamin, and with each picture our hearts are being knitted closer and closer together. We are more than ready to go get him. We are more than ready to bring him into our family.

There is absolutely nothing we can do but wait. We started this blog because we thought we’d soon be in Addis Ababa and that we’d be posting pictures of our newest Brady boy. But this blog is currently being used as a venue for us to share about the unplanned stops along the way.

Now, we are being told that if we pass court on March 23, we probably won’t travel until June—much later than we had expected. Until then, our desire to go get Benjamin will only grow. With each passing day, we miss him and feel as though we are missing out on precious and valuable time.

In his excellent little book, Humility: True Greatness, C. J. Mahaney says “It takes faith to wait tranquilly for something for which we have a promise from God, but no date. Waiting is not resignation; waiting is active trust in God to provide fulfillment in His perfect timing, according to His ultimate purpose of glorifying His Son.”

We keep having to remind ourselves that this is not about us. From the beginning, we have been motivated by a desire to join God who sets the lonely in families.

Sometimes, setting the lonely in families takes a little longer than expected.

We need God to give us faith to wait.

Friends for the Journey

Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing. 1 Thessalonians 5:11

Our adoption goes before an Ethiopian judge again on March 9. While we are sleeping on Monday night, Benjamin’s adoption case will go before a judge. We didn’t pass court on the first round a couple of weeks ago. We hope all goes well this time.

We recently heard about some friends who are also adopting from Ethiopia through a different agency. They didn’t pass court last week. The reason? The electricity in the courtroom went out on the day of their hearing. Whatever. Who would have thought?

God has been good to put some friends from our church smack dab in the middle of our lives. In fact, the Stivers family is walking with us step by step along the same journey we are travelling. Over a year ago, Shannon and Amy were talking at dinner one evening about our adoption. After joking about the possibilities of adoption they said, “What if both our families ended up adopting? It could be Brady-Stivers Ethiopia 2010!”

Well, now here we are a year later, and indeed, it’s Brady-Stivers Ethiopia 2010! Jody and Shannon are adopting a four-year-old boy named A.J. Their first court date was the same as ours, and they too didn’t pass court. Now their court date is March 8. We are hoping that we both pass court this week. How crazy would it be if both of us were on the same trip, flying in the same plane to the same country to get our boys!?! God has certainly done crazier things.

Whether or not we end up going through this whole journey together, it’s been so good to walk this path together and we’ll always remember this time in our lives. We’ve had lots of conversations about this process. Our families have grown closer. It’s been especially fun to listen to our seven children talk about their soon-coming brothers. We’ll never forget those special moments of our families sitting on the floor and praying together while the little ones climbed and crawled all over their mommies.

We pray we will pass court on March 9. And we also pray—thanking God for giving us such friends to walk this road with us.

God is more than good to us.