Considering Adoption? Remember, it's Your Journey

Are you reading this because you're thinking that adoption might be for you? Perhaps you're considering adoption--something you have never thought about before. Maybe you're sitting there thinking, "A while back, I would have never even considered adoption." Now look at what is happening!

Here are some thoughts that might be helpful to you as you think about going down the road of adoption.

How do you confidently move forward through the process of adoption when so many questions and uncertainties continuously swirl about you? Not only are there your own questions like, “Are we going to be able to pay for this? How is this going to work? Will a new child fit in well with our family?” or “Are we out of our minds?” Others are also asking questions. Sometimes, well-meaning friends and family members ask questions which can sometimes be discouraging and unhelpful. Let’s just admit it. The occasional question flowing from a critical spirit of another person can often be like a cold, wet blanket thrown over expectant parents’ joyful enthusiasm about their soon-coming child.

Traditionally, people in the United States have adopted both domestically and internationally. In 2009, over 12,000 children were adopted from other countries. Adoption currently seems to be growing more popular among Christians as churches are waking up to the mandate to care for orphans (James 1:27). Several families in my church are in the process of adoption, and I know of many others elsewhere.

One of the most repeated questions about international adoption goes something like, “Why would anyone adopt from a foreign country when there are so many children who have needs right here in our own country?”

Indeed, there are truckloads of needs when it comes to the children of our own society. Over 3 million child abuse cases are reported every year in the United States. More than half a million children languish in our foster care system. However, understanding that 147 million orphans live on the planet, the following realities are great reminders as each of us seeks to walk the adoption journey God has laid out for us.

Different People Live Out Their Convictions Differently

The “calling” of God is like a snowflake—no two callings are the same. Each of us certainly has the responsibility to live our lives and do what we feel is best for us. However, all of us are different, and we all go about living our lives in different ways.

When we decided to adopt our son, we found ourselves with three children already and desiring to add to our family as quickly as possible. As what hair Todd did have was quickly turning gray, we each realized that neither of us was getting any younger! So with a desire to minister to a child by bringing him into our family and with a desire to go about doing this as quickly and as affordably as possible, we chose to adopt a male infant from the country of Ethiopia. This was the simplest, quickest, most affordable, and best route for us.

Should everyone adopt a male infant from Ethiopia? Of course not. For us, adopting from Ethiopia is the right thing for us at this time. Is domestic adoption a great way to care for orphans right here in our own country? Absolutely! Whatever you do, be faithful to God, live with conviction, and do what is best for you.

Doing Something is Better than Doing Nothing

Yes, there are millions of needs right around us. Yes, there is much that we can and should do to care for orphans and needy children in our own country. However, the question pitting international adoption against local needs may very well be a veiled disguise of a heart which simply longs to do nothing.

Todd's grandmother used to say, “It takes little size to criticize.” A century ago, Teddy Roosevelt famously said,

It is not the critic who counts: not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes up short again and again, because there is no effort without error or shortcoming, but who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, who spends himself for a worthy cause; who, at the best, knows, in the end, the triumph of high achievement, and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who knew neither victory nor defeat.

If you are called to do something, don’t allow others to prevent you from doing what you know you are supposed to do.

The Greatness of Needs Everywhere Should Not Prevent Us from Doing Something Somewhere

A boy was walking on the beach. Every so often, he would pick up a starfish and throw it back into the ocean—saving the starfish’s life by tossing it back into the water. Someone said to him, “There are starfish all over the beaches throughout the world. When you think about how many there are, don’t you realize that you’ll never make a significant difference?” The boy thought for a moment, looked at the starfish in his hand and said, “Well, I’m making a difference for this one!”

Truthfully, none of us will ever make a world-wide impact which garners the accolades of millions. However, such a thought should not immobilize us. There are plenty of needs to go around. Let each of us seek to be about meeting needs—alleviating pain and suffering wherever we can.

Ultimately, Each of us is Responsible to God

As I live my life, I must remember that I am to live my life. I do not have the responsibility to live another person’s life. There is only one head which I lay on my pillow each night—mine. And ultimately, I am responsible to God.

In the end, only God and what he thinks matters. In the end, we will all have to answer to him. In the end, the accounting will be with God. As in how I spend my money, how I use my tongue, how I treat my neighbor, how I treat my body, and more—how I go about caring for orphans is ultimately an issue to which I will answer to God. When it comes to adoption, whether it be “international” or “domestic”—each of us must follow what we feel God would have us do.

The Great Commandment and the Great Commission are Calls which are to be Universally and Indiscriminately Applied

Jesus said, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind,” and “love your neighbor as yourself” (Matthew 22:37-39). He also said, “Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age” (Matthew 28: 19-20). The Great Commandment and the Great Commission are the twin engines which propel the believer’s life. As we go about loving others and sharing the gospel with others, let us remember that we have a duty to love all and to make disciples of all. We are not to be picky with our love. We are not to be choosy about the recipients of our love.

Adoption is a wonderful journey. It’s a beautiful picture that reflects the love God has for us. As you walk down the path God has for you—whether it be “international” or “domestic”—remember that your adoption journey is God’s adoption journey for you.

May God bless you on your journey!